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I don't care don't give a damn
For sponsorships or brand collabs
But let me say without a doubt
This is the sound of selling out
You don't want to know
How far I’d go
How low I’d stoop
If you only knew
The pandering I’m prepared to do
Cause I have seen my name in shining lights
But I wish it was in black and white
For the world to see immortalized
As a crossword clue in the new york times
Yes I know my name's too long
I never had a big hit song
And it’s a long shot and i’m not proud but
This is the sound of selling out
You don't want to know
How far I’d go
How low I’d stoop
If you only knew
The pandering I’m prepared to do
Cause i have seen my name in shining lights
But I wish it was in black and white
For the world to see immortalized
As a crossword clue in the new york times
I swear if I ever see my name
Hinted at on that page
I will bask in validation
The black hole inside me will finally close
And i shall ascend to my heavenly home
Knowing all the pain was worth it
It was worth it
Cause i have seen my name in shining lights
But I wish it was in black and white
For the world to see immortalized
As a crossword clue in the new york times
I have seen my name in shining lights
But I wish it was in black and white
If I could sneak my way in just one time
As a crossword clue in the new york times
As a crossword clue in the new york times
As a crossword clue in the new york times
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Hey Bob it’s been awhile since I wrote to you
I heard you’re in Montana now about to make a move
New York is always great and London has its trains
But don’t forget the old Midwest in your planning phase
And the Mall of America
All you’ll ever need
All our hopes and dreams
At the Mall of America
Greatest mall in history
Oh Bob you’ve no idea the horror and the pain
Listening to Christmas music fourteen hours a day
I’d love to burn it down or blow it all sky high
I don’t know much about that but i think you might…
At the Mall of America
All you’ll ever need
All our hopes and dreams
At the Mall of America
Greatest mall in history
If you blew it up I know they’d only build it all again
Millions over budget on some hotshot architect
Lobby at the legislature
Stick us with the bill
If you terrorists don’t kill us then the politicians will
Well Bob, I’m signing off I’m late for work again
Missed the bus and had to walk from Minneapolis
If you decide to visit stop and say hello (hello)
I’ll be at the kiosk selling sunglasses til close
At the Mall of America
All you’ll ever need
All our hopes and dreams
At the Mall of America
It’s the biggest mall
It’s not the biggest mall
But still the greatest mall
It’s still the greatest mall
It’s the greatest mall in history
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She says you're a loudmouth
We all know it's true
You can be dramatic
When you've had a few
But when you say your whole world's
Hanging by a thread
Oh Jed, that’s just the whiskey talking
Sure you're kind of lazy
You ever follow through
You might be a man-child
Maybe I am too
But when she says you're worthless
Might as well be dead
Oh Jed, that’s just the whiskey talking
Raise a glass
To girlfriends past
To sweethearts and lovers
Friends we know
Come and go
But we've got each other
I've always been quiet
It’s not like me to shout
All it takes is bourbon
And words come tumbling out
So when I said I loved you
And I’d always be your friend
Oh Jed, that’s just the whiskey talking
Hand me the keys we're walking
That’s just the whiskey talking
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How many years must an old willow’s tears
Fall all over this land?
How many times must a nightingale cry
Before we all understand?
Yes and who are the top three celebrities
You didn’t know were actually Black?
I don’t know man
I’m just asking the big questions
How many stones must a broken heart throw
Before it’s finally loved?
How many lives must a man live and die
‘fore he’s forever young?
Yes and what did Carrie whisper to Daisy
During their big onscreen hug?
I don’t know man
I’m just asking the big questions
How in the world does Ed Sheeran deal with Taylor Swift’s shenanigans?
Who put the cryptids inside of the pyramids
Why was it aliens?
Ancient aliens
How many skies must a Dragonball fly
Before it falls to the sea?
What are the top thirty kitchen hacks
So good that you’ll never believe?
Has Conor McGregor been hinting for weeks
That he’ll fight Muhammad Ali?
I don’t know but I think there’s a pattern
Stranger things probably happen
It takes courage to be the one asking
The big questions
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9. |
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If the rigors of modern life have left you stressed
Take a long slow breath and practice mindfulness
If there’s any tension let it go
Feel it from your head down to your toes
Say this mantra after me
666 is the number of the beast
Feel the breath inside your body
Warm and free
If you want to close your eyes and count to three
Know that you are perfect how you are
You don’t need a halo or a harp
Say this mantra after me
666 is the number of the beast
On occasion it may be helpful just to shout
Put on some of that devil music dance it out
Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right
Shake it like you’re horny and it’s Friday night
Shake it for your momma
Shake it for the priest
Tell ‘em that 666 is the number of the beast
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Brand new baby well good for you
Not really something I would do
I’ve never thought the world could use more people
Here’s some flowers and old balloons
Found ‘em down in the waiting room
To wish you all the best on your big day
I’ll see you in twenty years
I’ll see you in twenty years
When the kids have all grown up and said goodbye
I’ll be honest it kinda hurts
Didn’t run it by me first
I thought that I deserved that much at least
Sorry I missed the baby shower
But it was right during happy hour
And I just had to pour one out for you
I’ll see you in twenty years
I’ll see you in twenty years
When the kids have all grown up and said goodbye
I’ll see you in twenty years
I’ll still be standing here
When the kids have all grown up and said goodbye
I’ve never once asked you for anything
But at the very least you could’ve named them after me
I’ll see you in twenty years
I’ll buy you a couple beers
When the kids have all grown up and said goodbye
I’ll see you twenty years
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Walking in silence
The old woods are quiet
Nobody watching, just the trees
Evening sky passes
Streams through the branches
Kiss me under the moonlight, won't you, Steve?
She hurt you so bad, you told me you wanted to die
Steve, I'm your best friend, there's nothing that I wouldn't try
Think what could happen
Dare to imagine
So many possibilities
We may discover that we could be lovers
So kiss me under the moonlight, won't you, Steve?
She hurt you so bad, you told me you wanted to die
Steve, I'm your best friend, there's nothing that I wouldn't try
She hurt you so bad, you told me you wanted to die
Steve, I'm your best friend, there's nothing that I wouldn't try (Oooh)
Walking in silence
The old woods are quiet
Only your footsteps on the leaves
Things will get better, try to forget her
Kiss me under the moonlight, won't you, Steve?
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If there is a land somewhere in my dreams
Where deep underground
There's a lesson to be found
I'm sure that I don’t know what it means
Andre was a man; stood near eight feet tall
Touched the very sky
And whenever he walked by
He made all the grown men look so small
But all the gray haired wrestlers say
You should've seen his glory days
He was beautiful for what it's worth
When the world was young and giants roamed the earth
Andre was the king and heavy was his crown
He battled on TV in Wrestlemania number three
With Hulk Hogan in a final title bout
Andre fought like hell at the Silverdome
But his back began to hurt and the pain kept getting worse
And Hulk Hogan threw the giant from the throne
But all the gray haired wrestlers say
You should've seen his glory days
He was beautiful for what it's worth
When the world was young and giants roamed the earth
Andre died in France near his childhood home
Hogan didn't cry but there was silence on the line
When they told him that the giant died alone
They say Hogan sleeps on a bed of gold
I don't know what's true
Or what giant slayers do
Or what any of us do when we get old
But all the gray haired wrestlers say
You should've seen his glory days
He was beautiful for what it's worth
Yes all the gray haired wrestlers say
You should've seen his glory days
He was beautiful for what it's worth
When the world was young and giants roamed the earth
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I don’t know why it’s so hard
To write a simple Christmas card
This one’s a few years late
Sorry that you had to wait
Winter’s long and summer’s short
Not much else to report
That’s life in Minneapolis
Janey smokes a bowl a day
So do I but anyway
Deb loves the winter cold
Scott’s out there blowing snow
Pickles taste the best to me
Eaten at the kitchen sink
That's life in Minneapolis
Barb and Dave they almost drowned
Canoeing on a lake somehow
Courtney had herself a kid
Chris and Anne a couple twins
Covid got my uncle Rob
Lost Mom to QAnon
And that's life in Minneapolis
Kenza made herself at home
I learned to be alone
Bought a fixer upper house
It’s tiny but it counts
The helicopters never stop
Everybody hates the cops
That's life in Minneapolis
Derek murdered mister Floyd
The five oh were so annoyed
They rode around in unmarked vans
Shooting at pedestrians
Maggie made a press jacket
Out of an old life vest
That's life in Minneapolis
When the Lake Street Arby's burned
The mayor hid behind a fern
Officers used pepper spray
Rubber bullets to the face
That's how Linda lost an eye
Press badge ain't worth a dime
That's life in Minneapolis
The mayor put on quite a show
At George's funeral
Then he hid behind the chief
The old guard dragged their feet
The governor he parked a tank
On Hennepin and Lake
That's life in Minneapolis
Derek Chauvin went to jail
Garrison went off the rails
City Pages went kaput
City council got the boot
Somewhere in there Leah died
Don't know why I couldn't cry
And that's life in Minneapolis
Little Earth filled up with tents
Chief Arradondo left
Daniel gave me his old bike
I ride around the lake at night
Three cheers for Jeremy
He's back in therapy
That's life in Minneapolis
L and J moved to New York
Yada yada dinner fork
I'd like to go there too
But I've still got work to do
That Arby's was a start
Next up the old Kmart
That's life in Minneapolis
Yeah that’s life in Minneapolis
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Lucy takes the long way home
Meets me in a field of stone
She says I don't know how I'm supposed to feel
My body's cold my guts are twisted steel
And I feel like I'm some kind of Frankenstein
Waiting for a shock to bring me back to life
But I don't wanna spend my time
Waiting for lighting to strike
Ooooohhh
So underneath the concrete sky
Lucy puts her hand in mine
She says life's a game we are meant to lose
Stick by me and I with stick by you
'Cause I'm like a princess in a castle high
Waiting for a kiss to bring me back to life
But I don't wanna spend my time
Waiting for just some other guy
Ooooohhhhh
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I know I may not look like much
2020 was a little rough
I'm not worried, no, I've got it planned
I wanna be your one night stand
We'll check in to a dive motel
Carpet's worn and the curtains smell
TV's old, wallpaper bland
I wanna be your one night stand
Oh, we'll get drunk on a box of wine
Oh, making love underneath the vacancy sign
You don't have to meet my folks
I won't bore you with my stupid jokes
I’m just a guy with a minivan
I wanna be your one night stand
Oh, we'll get drunk on a box of wine
Oh, making love underneath the vacancy sign
So, let's leave the kids at home
You wear that blouse, I'll wear cheap cologne
Throw away our wedding bands
I wanna be your one night stand
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I'll put on my good suit
Polish up my dress shoes
Slick my hair back
Whiten all my teeth
I’ve got me a hot date
And I don’t wanna be late
Tonight, I’m gonna sweep me off my feet
Yes, I’m gonna take me
Out to some place fancy
And order all the breadsticks I can eat
Then I’ll stuff my face with chocolate
Then ditch the bill and take off
Cause tonight, I’m gonna sweep me off my feet
I finally found
A love to last a lifetime
Someone who’ll be there when I get old
A friend who just knows
Exactly what I’m thinking
Take the time to laugh at
All my jokes
I’ll stop on the way home
Park my El Camino
Invite myself to hop in the backseat
Then I’ll smoke a giant bowl
And eat a whole bag of Doritos
Cause tonight, I’m gonna sweep me off my feet
I’ll go to my place
Light a bunch of candles
Dance like no one’s watching
Cause there ain’t
I’ll take some time
To get to know my body
Take myself to bed then
Sleep in late
And when I finally wake up
I’ll make me an omelette
And all the Bloody Marys I can drink
It might take a whole month
Just to sleep it all off
But tonight, I’m gonna sweep me off my feet
Yeah tonight, I’m gonna sweep me off my feet
Tonight, I’m gonna sweep me off my feet
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26. |
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When all of this is over (if it ever really is)
I’ll get to work on my bucket list
And with exquisite pleasure one after the other
Cross 'em off until there's nothing left
When all of this is over the first thing that I'll do
Is find a bar and drink myself to death
Throw a kegger for a funeral and I'll rest eternal
Buried in my finest gray sweatpants
I'm gonna hug my friends
I’m gonna hold em tight
I’m gonna sing all day
I’m gonna dance all night
I'm gonna eat a steak at a restaurant
Then I'm gonna blow the roof off of old St Paul
I'll buy a stately mansion up on Summit Avenue
Throw a black tie gothic masquerade
And when they ask me later if I know how the orgy started
I'll get misty-eyed then smile and look away
I'm gonna hug my friends
I’m gonna hold em tight
I’m gonna sing all day
I’m gonna dance all night
I'm gonna eat a steak at a restaurant
Then I'm gonna blow the roof off of old St. Paul
Those St Paul swingers won't know what hit 'em
All these newcomers at the door
So it spills onto the sidewalk
Stretches around the whole block
To the marbled steps of the capitol
When all of this is over and I finally bite the dust
Hang my hat up transcend space and time
I'll write a comeback memoir
Titled "Me: The Covid Years"
And how they were the best years of my life
I'm gonna hug my friends
I’m gonna hold em tight
I’m gonna sing all day
I’m gonna dance all night
I'm gonna eat a steak at a restaurant
Then I'm gonna blow the roof off of old St. Paul
Then I'm gonna blow the roof off of old St. Paul
Then I'm gonna blow the roof off of old St. Paul
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27. |
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28. |
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Gotta say the future's awesome
Everything is a-ok
All the work is done by robots
Every day is Saturday
Future people all have jetpacks
Fly around in flying cars
There's so much that I could tell you
But the coolest part by far?
Everybody gets a kitten
A new one every single day
Everybody gets a kitten
That you can name if you want
Or you can give it away
There is no disease or hunger
Zero poverty or war
Life is just a giant party
No one here is ever bored
All the factories burn rainbows
You can buy a house on Mars
There's so much that i could tell you
But the coolest part by far?
Everybody gets a kitten
A new one every single day
Everybody gets a kitten
You can name if you want
Everybody gets a kitten
A new one every single day
Everybody gets a kitten
You can name if you want
Everybody gets a kitten
A new one every single day
Everybody gets a kitten
You can name if you want
Or you can give it away
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released April 11, 2024
Performed by jeremy messersmith and Dan Lawonn
Original Music and Lyrics by jeremy messersmith except "Whiskey Talkin'" by jeremy messersmith and Jonny Wright
Directed and Edited by Nate Ryan
Audio Recording and Engineering by Michael DeMark
Assistant Audio Engineering by Micah Kopecky
Graphic Design by jeremy messersmith
Web Design by Jason Schneider
Management by Becky Hoffmann
Special Thanks to the Bryant Lake Bowl, Dinosaur Hampton and Dylan Hicks
www.summitavenueswingers.org
www.jeremymessersmith.com
